I want to set a better sleep schedule! I want to lose weight! I will go to the gym!
Every year, come January 1st, the focus becomes what your New Year’s resolution is going to be. Every year, we try and set large goals that we want to get accomplished that year because “this year will be different”! Not what commonly happens? Well, we start the year out with great intentions and hit every resolution hard, with 110%, and then slowly habit comes back so that by the end of the year, we find not much has changed. The cycle is hard. Heck, even gyms know this routine because they thrive on those who sign up in the new year and then simply forget to cancel their membership or feel guilty about canceling, even if they aren’t going. Trust me, I fall into the same trap year after year. So, this past year I started thinking more intentionally about psychology and DBT, especially how skills like Wise Mind can help us approach change in a more balanced and sustainable way. So, of course, I decided to write a blog about it!
During the new year, most people will create multiple resolutions that they want to meet throughout the year. Come January, they then try to start them all at the same time. That is where we go wrong. Our focus becomes split between maintaining our regular schedule and trying to build multiple new habits at once, which can increase overwhelm and racing thoughts. From my own experience, this often leads to feeling overwhelmed and mentally overloaded, which can make it harder to stay motivated and emotionally regulated. I also think that, with our attention split, we are unable to fully focus on building each new habit, so it increases the time it takes to form the habit and make it a routine. With this in mind, I began applying the DBT skill of building mastery, which aligns with research showing that repeated, manageable effort can actually strengthen the brain and support habit change.
The first step to building mastery is focusing on one new task at a time. I don’t think this means that you should only set one resolution, just that when you start working towards the resolutions, you should choose one at a time to put your whole focus on. Once you have decided on your one habit, start by creating one obtainable but challenging goal. This allows your brain to experience success without triggering feelings of failure or self-criticism, which are often addressed in DBT when working through invalidation and setbacks. For example, if you want to start working out, instead of starting with going to the gym every other day, maybe set the goal of going twice a week for an hour each time. When comparing this to your current level of not going at all, the latter will feel more attainable and may increase motivation. As the habit begins to feel more natural, you can gradually increase the goal while also learning how to manage urges to quit or avoid the task altogether, something DBT and urge-reduction approaches like EMDR can help support.. Then repeat until you have met your final end goal. The idea is that by giving individual attention and building mastery with the goal, you will be able to keep your New Years resolution this year!
If you find yourself setting the same resolutions every year and feeling frustrated when they don’t stick, you’re not alone. DBT offers practical, evidence-based skills to help with habit change, emotional regulation, and staying motivated when things get hard. Working with a DBT-trained therapist can help you break the cycle of overwhelm and build change at a pace that actually lasts. If you’re interested in learning more about how DBT can support your goals, we invite you to explore our services at Cincinnati Center for DBT.