The holidays have a funny way of sneaking up on us. Suddenly the neighborhood starts to be decked out in lights, stores start playing those familiar songs, and for a moment it feels like any other change of the season. But then reality starts to settle in, an empty chair at dinner, a quiet early morning, or no incoming call that time of the week. Losing a family member is never easy, but there’s something uniquely heavy about facing that first holiday season without them. Especially when that person was the heart of it all, the one who cooked the meals, hosted the gatherings, or kept everyone connected.
Grief is challenging in how it, like the season change, can just seem to pop up out of nowhere. Maybe we feel it when we reach for their favorite candy in the store or catch ourselves mentally counting them in for dinner. Those little details can be sudden, unexpected, and can bring a wave of grief that feels just as sharp as the first day you lost them. There’s no right way to handle grief but it’s my hope that this blog might give you some ideas on how to start.
Rituals: Making Them Your Own 
Rituals sound like a word that might not apply to you or your life, but believe it or not, your life is full of them. When we take our shoes off before walking inside the house we practice a ritual. Making a Christmas pie every year is a ritual. They are simultaneously reminders of joy and sorrow all at once. Think of what rituals you shared with your special person. Maybe it’s going to grandpa’s for dinner every year, dad’s tradition of putting the tree up way too early, or mom’s way of making sure everyone felt included.
You might decide to keep their traditions alive, or you might find comfort in creating new ones. Maybe the family cooks grandma’s recipes together, sharing stories between tears and laughter. Maybe you light a candle at the table in their honor. Or, maybe you choose to do something entirely different, travel, volunteer, or spend the day quietly reflecting. There’s no right or wrong way to honor someone’s memory.
Being Mindful of the Emotions
Anyone who has dealt with grief knows it’s not just sadness we experience. There can be anger, guilt, or a blend of all when navigating the loss. Working to give yourself permission to feel everything that comes with the season – the longing, the joy, the exhaustion, and the tenderness can be a way forward. Grief doesn’t follow a calendar; it ebbs and flows, sometimes showing up when you least expect it. But, it also reminds us of the depth of love we were lucky enough to have. The first holiday without them isn’t about pretending everything is okay. It’s about learning how to hold space for both the sadness and the gratitude, for what was, and for what still remains. Maybe that’s really hard to imagine right now, and that’s okay. Sometimes the very first step is just acknowledging the complexity of what we feel.
The first holiday without them will be different, we aren’t going to be able to change that. But, in that difference there is also a quiet kind of beauty, a reminder that love doesn’t end when a life does. It simply changes form, finding new ways to show up in our lives.
If you or a loved one is grieving this holiday season there are resources available. See below for options to consider.