Emotional Abuse, Mental Abuse, Domestic Violence, Psychological Abuse: You’ve probably heard some of these terms used in your everyday life, and you may have even witnessed or experienced them in some way, shape, or form yourself. But what do these terms actually mean, and why do we hear about these experiences more from women than from men? Let’s explore further.
NOTE: The terms “They” or “Them” will be used to refer to individuals whose gender identity is male or who present in a way that Western society would label as “male” or “masculine.”
Different definitions of psychological abuse have been used throughout the years. Current research supports using the terms “psychological abuse” and “mental abuse” interchangeably with “emotional abuse,”. To keep things consistent, I will use the term “emotional abuse” for the remainder of this blog post.
Emotional abuse refers to patterns of non-physical behaviors used to frighten, isolate, and control others while undermining someone’s sense of self and safety. The signs of emotional abuse can be difficult to identify and recognize due to the lack of visible physical symptoms, the many different subtle and more obvious ways emotional abuse can present as, and the subjectiveness of each individual’s experience. Additionally, it is especially difficult for them to speak up due to several factors, some of the most significant being societal norms and stigma.
Why Men Often Don’t Speak Up
One of the biggest barriers men face when it comes to recognizing and addressing emotional abuse is stigma. Western society’s expectations of masculinity often dictate that they should not show vulnerability, open up, express their feelings, or seek help-especially in situations that challenge their strength. The idea that they should “tough it out” or “man up” can make it incredibly difficult for them to open up about being emotionally abused.
They may feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit they are victims. Many fear that others will view them as weak or incapable of handling their relationships, and they might also fear losing their partner or family due to the stigma surrounding male victimization.
They also face more barriers due to the lack of resources for men/males compared to other genders, a lack of research on male victimization, and possible skepticism or negative responses from professionals such as law enforcement officials.
Signs of Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is focused on control, manipulation, isolation, and threatening or demeaning behavior. Some signs and specific examples of abusive behavior include:
- Monitoring and/or controlling who the person spends time with or how they spend money
- Threatening a person’s safety, property, or loved ones
- Demeaning, shaming, or humiliating a person, including name-calling or using demeaning language
- Extreme jealousy, accusations, and paranoia
- Instilling self-doubt and worthlessness
- Relying on blame instead of improvement, especially when the abuser blames the person for their unhealthy/abusive behavior
- Punishment by withholding attention or affection
- “Gaslighting,” or manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality
The Effects of Emotional Abuse on Individuals
Emotional abuse can have profound effects on them and can impact several aspects of their lives. Some of these include:
- Physical Health: Emotional abuse and the chronic stress caused by it can impact the human body in many ways, including contributing to increased difficulties with sleeping, fatigue, headaches, high blood pressure, and digestive issues.
- Mental Health: Individuals experiencing emotional abuse are at greater risk of developing mental health concerns such as anxiety, depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and suicidal thoughts (among many others).
- Substance Abuse: Some may turn to substances (such as alcohol and drugs) or other harmful coping mechanisms as a way to numb their emotional pain or escape from the abusive situation.
- Emotional Effects: Emotional abuse has both long-term and short-term emotional consequences, including loss of self-confidence and self-worth, feelings of fear, anxiety, guilt, and powerlessness, loss of trust in others, and increased isolation from others. Some may also experience increased emotional “numbness”
READY FOR A CHANGE?
People experiencing emotional abuse face many challenges and consequences of the abusive behavior, but for those who identify as male or who Western society might label as “male”, there are even more unique challenges. They may be less likely to seek help or recognize their experiences as abusive due to Western cultural gender norms and stigma, which ultimately contributes to the ongoing abusive cycle. The effects of emotional abuse are numerous and can have long-lasting negative consequences.
If any of this sounds like something you or someone you know may be experiencing, know you are not alone and that help is available.
Reach out to any supportive friends and family, and consider working with a qualified therapist.
Educate yourself, and get connected with community and/or professional resources to help you decide how you want to move forward. A few are listed below:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (they can provide support and connections to local resources): phone 800.799.SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat live on their website
- National Coalition For Men: https://ncfm.org/
- Womenslaw.org: a website containing information about, and resources for, ANYONE wondering about or experiencing different forms of abuse
- Love Is Respect. This nonprofit organization offers teens and young adults a chance to chat online, call, or text with advocates.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ashley Weber (she/her), M.A., LPCC-S, LICDC-CS is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Licensed Independent Chemical Dependency Counselor specializing in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Ashley generally works with adults 18 and older in a supportive, accepting, and non-judgmental manner to help individuals explore, identify, and begin to implement the kind of changes each individual person believes they need to live a more fulfilling life while providing new tools and skills along the way. Click here to learn more about Ashley’s experience and therapeutic approach.
References
O’Leary, K. Daniel (2004). Psychological Abuse in Violent Domestic Relations. Springer Publishing Company. ISBN 978-0-8261-1146-3.
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-emotional-abuse/