The holiday, end-of-year season is often seen as a joyful time for celebration and practicing gratitude. This time of year can also be rife with feelings of stress, anxiety, and pressure. For individuals struggling with active addiction and substance abuse (drugs and alcohol), these feelings can contribute to increased temptations. As a loved one, it can be difficult to know how to offer your support and assistance without enabling destructive behaviors. Here are some tips on how to approach and support loved ones who may be struggling with addiction and substance abuse during the holiday season.
Educate Yourself About Addiction
Before trying to determine what kind of support to offer, it can be helpful to do some of your own research and learn about addiction. Addiction is a complex and chronic (meaning long-lasting and potentially reoccurring) disease. Addiction IS NOT a moral failing, and it’s not something that can be easily “fixed” or controlled by willpower alone. Recognizing addiction as a chronic condition that requires professional help can help you avoid judgment and offer more effective, compassionate support.
Understanding that people in active addiction often experience denial, shame, and emotional pain can also help you approach the situation with more empathy rather than frustration or anger.
Offer Emotional Support Without Judgment
During the holidays, a person struggling with addiction may already feel isolated or misunderstood, especially if they are hiding their substance use. One of the most important things you can do as a loved one is offer non-judgmental emotional support. Let them know that you are there for them, regardless of their choices, and that you care about their well-being (as honestly as possible).
Set and Enforce Healthy Boundaries
While it’s crucial to offer support, it’s equally important to set healthy boundaries. Active addiction can sometimes lead people to engage in manipulative or harmful behavior and, without boundaries, you may inadvertently enable their actions.
Make it clear that while you are there for them, you will not tolerate behavior that puts you or others at risk. Some examples of these include not allowing your loved one to drive while intoxicated, setting limits and/or clarifying how much you are willing to do for them, or staying away from toxic environments that might encourage substance use. Boundaries not only help protect your own emotional well-being, they also reinforce the idea that addiction doesn’t negate the need for respect and care in relationships.
Encourage Treatment and Support Options Gently
While the holidays may not be the ideal time to force someone into treatment, you can gently encourage them to seek help or consider treatment options. Avoid pushing them into treatment with ultimatums, as this can sometimes make them people feel cornered and resistant to change. Instead, offer information about resources like addiction counseling, detox programs, or local support groups like AA, NA, or Smart Recovery in a non-confrontational way.
Even if they aren’t ready for formal treatment, helping them find safe places where they can feel seen and understood can be empowering. You can also consider connecting them with online resources or virtual meetings, which may feel more accessible during the busy holiday season.
Reduce Some of the Pressures
Many holiday gatherings involve drinking, which can be difficult for someone in active addiction. If you’re hosting a holiday gathering, try to create a space that can minimize triggers. If you know your loved one is struggling with alcohol or drug use, it might be helpful to limit or avoid offering alcohol or other substances at your home and to offer more sober-friendly food/drink options and activities to participate in.
If you can’t control the environment (for example: at family gatherings or public events), offer to help your loved one make a plan for staying sober during these occasions. This could involve arriving together, checking in regularly, or having an exit strategy in case things get overwhelming. Offering them a “safe word” to signal if they want to leave or need help can also be useful.
Avoid Enabling Destructive Behavior
Sometimes, out of love and concern, we might fall into the trap of enabling the behavior of someone in active addiction. This might look like making excuses for them, covering up their mistakes, or giving them money to fund their addiction. While it may seem like you’re helping, enabling actually prevents them from facing the consequences of their actions and can prolong their addiction.
Instead of enabling, try to offer alternatives that encourage healthier behavior. For example, instead of giving money, offer to help them with a specific need, like buying groceries, finding support, or helping with transportation to a treatment appointment. By doing so, you’re showing them that you care about their well-being without enabling the addiction.
Take Care of Yourself
Supporting someone in active addiction can be emotionally draining, especially during a time when you may also be trying to manage holiday stress. It’s important to prioritize your own mental and emotional health while supporting your loved one. This might mean seeking counseling, talking to a support group like Al-Anon, or taking time for self-care to recharge your own batteries.
Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup! By taking care of yourself, you’ll be better equipped to offer the support your loved one needs.
Supporting someone in active addiction during the holidays is not easy. There are no perfect solutions, and it often involves a delicate balance of love, boundaries, and understanding. It’s important to remember that you cannot control or “fix” their addiction, but you can provide support in ways that prioritize their dignity and well-being. By educating yourself, offering emotional support, setting healthy boundaries, and encouraging professional help, you can create an environment where your loved one feels cared for, respected, and empowered.
About the Author:
Ashley Weber (she/her), M.A., LPCC-S, LICDC-CS is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Licensed Independent Chemical Dependency Counselor specializing in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Ashley generally works with adults 18 and older in a supportive, accepting, and non-judgmental manner to help individuals explore, identify, and begin to implement the kind of changes each individual person believes they need to live a more fulfilling life while providing new tools and skills along the way. Click here to learn more about Ashley’s experience and therapeutic approach.