You and your child decided that the best option for them is to come to therapy. It is a huge step in the right direction for your child’s mental health. Now how do you decide if you should receive some type of therapy as well? This can be a hard decision to make and can depend on a variety of factors. I will give you my opinion on the matter and then break it down into situations or behaviors you can look for that will help to make the decision.
Now for my opinion! Everyone can benefit from going to individual psychotherapy! The stigma that therapy is only for those with mental health issues needs to be broken.
All of us have issues that we want to talk about without being judged. Whether it is as simple as a bad day where it appears that nothing went right or something as big as your teen is struggling with self-harm and suicidal thoughts. What better place to talk about it than with a therapist who is a neutral third party who is trained to remain nonjudgmental. Now of course my opinion can be seen as a perfect world solution. Money and insurance can prevent you from being able to talk to a therapist any time you want. Not to mention you are already paying for your child to be in services.
So, let’s talk about what I look for professionally when I suggest to parents that they should be in individual therapy.
Is your teen going through active suicide and self-harm ideation or actions?
This is a top priority not just for the safety of your child/teen but for your own mental health also. Suicide and self-harm are scary and confusing subjects for everyone involved. Parents are confused because they are trying their best to help their teens, all the while the child that they have spent years keeping safe and alive is now actively trying to go against that. That is difficult for anyone to go through. Let alone if other things are also going on in your life. For myself, this is a topic where I believe parents should always receive individual therapy as well.
Are there communication difficulties between your child/teen and yourself?
There will always be a breakdown in communication between adolescents and parents. It is a normal part of growing up when adolescents try to understand their individuality and autonomy, while parents still want to keep their adolescent safe. As a therapist I am aware that this will always be there. Specifically, I am looking to see if one or more of the parties feels that they are not heard regularly. Has the breakdown in communication led to resentment in one or both parties? Is any everyday conversation breaking down into a disagreement or fight not just at home but also in a counseling session with the three of us? Individual therapy for the parent allows them to learn the best communication skills to use with their child/teen, as well as allowing you a space to feel and vent the emotions you are having about the disagreement without your teen being in the room.
Is there a family history of mental health issues?
Part of our intake process is to ask for family history of mental health. It helps us to get an idea of if the issues or mental health disorders we are dealing with can be genetic in nature. So, if your teen has reported that you have a history of mental illness, I will suggest that individual therapy may benefit you while I work with your teen.
Are there issues that you are bringing to me that I am unable to address due being your child’s therapist?
A lot of times issues that are going on with your teen can cause you to have emotions or behaviors that you thought you had worked on or never were there come up. This is natural, as humans we are hardwired to empathize with others’ pain and issues. Individual therapy can give you the space to discuss these issues or others that you may have overlooked or suppressed, so you are able to take care of your child.
Remember individual therapy for yourself is reasonable to want, you can’t take care of others if you do not first take care of yourself! You’ve got this!
About the Author
Samantha Ruwe (she/her), M.A., LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor who specializes in dialectical behavior therapy. She works with teens and adults in a warm, compassionate, and non-judgmental manner to help clients build a life worth living. Samantha knows that therapy can be daunting to begin and is supportive of clients at all parts of their counseling journey. Click here to learn more about Samantha’s experience and therapeutic approach.